Welcome back #BachelorNation
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The Bachelorette is a Primetime ABC reality television program in which individuals showcase the flaming hot wreckage that is their life decisions to date, via a contest of romantic consequence.
Senior Entertainment Columnist Nora Jaquemet provides snarky, analytical and frequently mean-spirited commentary on the Bachelor & Bachelorette while providing the bets of the week (“quibbls”). #BachelorNation debates where this season is heading and competes for the top of the leaderboard, as honor is won & as friendships are torn apart.
This week, we take a break from Rachel’s quest to find love (and Bryan’s quest to find the most heinous shirt possible) to see all the rejects from season 13 – uh, I mean former contestants. Most importantly, we got to see a lot more of Chris Harrison than we have in these past few episodes, so I’m a happy camper. I also got the opportunity to call out “homoeroticism” at my computer screen like 27 times in the span of the 2-hour episode. This is the environment I thrive in.
Now the most important reason to watch the men tell all episodes is to judge all the men’s choice of apparel. This is not me being my normal petty judgmental human self, but in fact, I do this for all women everywhere. The news is way too focused on women’s appearances in the public eye, whether on the red carpet or in the senate, so this for feminism.
Readers- “Thank you!”
Me- “You’re welcome”
To start, I’m giving a compliment to show you that I’m more than a petty blogger and Bachelorette fan. I give Diggy props for the cute bowtie. Good job on your cute face also.
Iggy seemed to be channeling some kind of catholic priest vibe with this all-black ensemble and silver chain. No one is buying this, Iggy.
Actual pic of Iggy and his crew
Dean decided that wearing a camo tux was the right choice when seeing the woman who said she loved him, then promptly dumped him. On anyone else, I would have A LOT of issues with this, but it is Dean and he can do anything he wants. Seriously, I would totally be ok with him wearing this tux at our future wedding (HEY DEAN!!!).
Now on to Alex… my sweet, sweet Russian. He just shows up with his beautiful face and this phenomenal outfit and ABC decides to only spend 3 seconds of screen time on him. What the shit? I just wasted like 30 minutes of my life staring at Lee and Josiah’s red trousers, but we can’t have more Alex??
I have no desire to spend any sort of time discussing Lee so here is an actually well thought out article about Men Tell All’s confrontation about race. I love good journalism about reality TV, is that not the embodiment of the American dream?
Also, some of these men actually saved themselves from the hated I felt during the show. These clever men insulted the other men I disliked even more. This says a lot about how I form my relationships, TBH. Josiah calls Iggy the “rat of all rats” which is really strong and actually works pretty well with the already existing Lee-snake bit. Adam (known to us all as creepy French doll guy, a name I will never let go of) yelled at Lucas that there was “so much whaboom when it should have been wha-bye”. I’m actually really mad I didn’t think of that one first. Now, I’m starting to see why Adam might have made it to top 6.
Next week, the final week, we will say goodbye to Rachel and some of the awful man boys she had to put up with. Let’s say a prayer that she picks the right idiot to marry, or at least say yes to in a proposal.
We love you for that Rachel…..
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