Dolls, Tears, and Turbans

Quibbl’s Weekly Bachelorette Gambling Bonanza

Bachelorette Pic 1Quibbl is an innovative and game-changing news engine & data-driven marketplace of ideas,  in which users compete to predict the news, identify trends and source quality information as they compete for fantasy-sports style rewards (by betting points).

The Bachelorette is a Primetime ABC reality television program in which individuals showcase the flaming hot wreckage that is their life decisions to date, via a contest of romantic consequence.

Senior Entertainment Columnist Nora Jaquemet provides snarky, analytical and frequently mean-spirited commentary on the Bachelor & Bachelorette while providing the bets of the week (“quibbls”). #BachelorNation debates where this season is heading and competes for the top of the leaderboard, as honor is won & as friendships are torn apart.


As usual, the #BachelorNation Twittersphere has not disappointed. While everyone last week was obsessed with snakes, Lee is now gone (but not forgotten, unfortunately) and the trending topic this week was “Matt and Adam” (who?).

 

First, I have a complaint to register: where was Chris Harrison??!! I’m not particularly attached to the rose ceremony—we can get tears and drama without it. But I do feel very very attached to Chris Harrison’s beautiful face so I’m extremely irritated we were not graced with it.

 

This week’s episode was set in my hometown of Geneva. Which I enjoyed because I got to see these idiots gallivanting around the places I grew up. However, someone mentioned “Geneva culture” and I just want to make sure everyone knows that’s fake news.

 

While Bryan’s date consisted of him receiving an $8,000 watch, Dean got to go to Catholic mass in a language he didn’t understand. My parents managed to force me to attend a Catholic mass for 3 years. Note: our church was next to a gelato place and they could bribe me with a sundae afterward. Anyways, I really don’t understand how this is a fun date idea and all I can say is poor Dean. After French mass, Rachel corners an old Swiss couple to question about their relationship and they struggle to get a sentence out. Sorry, Rachel. This is Switzerland, we don’t speak English and we don’t like foreigners.

 

Rachel asks Dean to get deep and so he asks her what her favorite kind of dinosaur is. Side note: Someone once asked me that during sorority recruitment and I didn’t have an answer and completely froze and panicked. So yeah, have your favorite dinosaur at the ready, apparently, it comes up more often than you’d imagine.

 

Peter then gets the best date by going dog sledding in the Swiss Alps. Both of Peter’s one-on-ones have been dog-themed and honestly, I don’t ever want to go on another date if it doesn’t include at least one dog. Also, there was no need for me to lose actual sleep over Peter messing up because ONCE AGAIN we were all totally tricked by last week’s promo featuring Rachel crying over Peter. Peter was wonderful as always, and Rachel was crying over sending Matt home of all things – Plot. Twist.

Bachelorette Peter

“Where do you want to be in 5 years?”

Let’s move on to the awful 3-on-1 date, and honestly, I was napping for most of that. Rachel brought the guys to France, probably in an effort to set some new record for most countries one woman has dumped men in. I admire that kind of dedication. Anyways, Matt actually spoke for the first time in the show. Obvious Rachel wasn’t interested and promptly sent irrelevant balding guy home. I’m not gonna lie while writing this, I kept using Matt and Adam’s names interchangeably, and had to put up reference pictures with their names to keep these boring white men straight. If I, someone who managed to memorize the entire nomenclature rules for organic compounds, couldn’t remember these two white guys’ names, it’s a sign they needed to step up their game. So we say “Goodbye!” to both irrelevant balding guy and creepy French doll guy. THANK GOD!

 

 

Personally, I think the producers missed a great opportunity to have a shot of Adam Jr, the life-size doll, to leave in a separate limo from Adam. I’m assuming the doll was meant to provide some comic relief at the start of the show, but when Adam inexplicably made it to the top 6, ABC producers expected viewers to take him seriously and forget about it. This was a sad attempt to make Adam seem relevant and appear to be a serious contestant. Sorry, #bachelornation does not forget and we certainly do not forgive.

  

Bachelorette Adam

You’re not wrong

Thankfully, the dead weight has vanished, and now we are left with four babes for the hometowns. This week’s episode dove deeply into family issues brought up by the contestants. We learned Bryan’s last girlfriend left him after meeting his mom at a wedding, and like I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I already know I am going to love Bryan’s mom. Eric took the time to describe his experience growing up in a family filled with violence and drug abuse – I’m very curious to see whether the show will manage serious topics well (My guess is NO). Dean opened up about his difficult relationship with his father. It sounded sad and run of the mill until we were treated to a preview of Dean’s dad sitting on the floor in a mauve turban get-up. Good luck, Rachel!
Bachelorette Dean

For those of us who enjoy intellectual conversations around reality television to make us feel better about wasting 2 hours each week watching these idiots, here’s a great article about what Eric’s revelations about his family mean for the show:

A Rare Conversation About Class Brings ‘The Bachelorette’ Into the Real World

 

Quibbls for this week’s Bachelorette

Will Eric’s hometown date bring up the issue of substance abuse he mentioned in this episode?

 

Who will be sent home after hometown dates?

 

Will Peter tell Rachel he loves her in the next episode?

 

Will any of the bachelors apart from Dean cry in the next episode?

 

 

  

 

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