Bachelorette: What will happen in Switzerland next week?

Quibbl’s Weekly Bachelorette Gambling Bonanza

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Quibbl is an innovative and game-changing news engine & data-driven marketplace of ideas,  in which users compete to predict the news, identify trends and source quality information as they compete for fantasy-sports style rewards (by betting points).

The Bachelorette is a Primetime ABC reality television program in which individuals showcase the flaming hot wreckage that is their life decisions to date, via a contest of romantic consequence.

Senior Entertainment Columnist Nora Jaquemet provides snarky, analytical and frequently mean-spirited commentary on the Bachelor & Bachelorette while providing the bets of the week (“quibbls”). #BachelorNation debates where this season is heading and competes for the top of the leaderboard, as honor is won & as friendships are torn apart.


Welcome back to another week of betting on the humiliations and occasional successes of the men vying for Bachelorette Rachel Lindsey’s heart! Also, more importantly, we got another week of snarky snake-themed tweets about Lee as well as heartbreaking eliminations. As we head into next week, there seem to be some shocking developments in the Rachel Bachelorette saga.   

What we saw last week with the Lee-Kenny drama:

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Kenny reinforced his position as the hero we need and deserve in the mansion with by wiggling his arm like the serpent whenever Lee got a rose. Honestly, Kenny could probably make as much of a killing with snake-themed merchandise as Corinne did with her platinum vagine shirts.

Editor’s note: this link is hilarious, but should probably not be viewed at work

Will attempts to have a calm, constructive conversation with Lee about why Lee calling Kenny aggressive could be seen as racially charged. Lee showed his maturity and sensitivity by proceeding to whine about the “race card”.  

Honestly, I’m tired of Lee, he couldn’t have gone home sooner, and the best thing that came out of this is that Rachel jumped on the snake train also:

 

In part two of the last episode, we got a taste of Dean’s empathetic character as he and Eric had a conversation about race. Dean politely listened to Eric’s point of view on interracial dating and responded thoughtfully with “that makes sense, I didn’t look at it that way.” I think I speak for #BachelorNation in expressing my appreciation for the fact that there was someone in the house who was, in fact, not a racist snake and thus able to have constructive conversations about race. I hate you, Lee. To quote quibbl’s founder & CEO, “Dean is the Atticus Finch of the reality TV dating scene.” He asked me to remove this quote prior to publication and this is a test to see whether he, in fact, reads anything that we publish. Sup?

 

For all of you snobs out there, here is a link to Bachelorette coverage from a reputable news source:  http://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-vexing-racial-politics-of-this-seasons-bachelorette

 

Onto eliminations…

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During the last episode, we were blessed with three drama-filled rose ceremonies, aka three opportunities to cause lasting damage to my roommate’s eardrums as I screamed bloody, bloody murder. Why? Who allowed Matt – “profession: irrelevant balding guy” – to receive a rose over contestants who were far more attractive (i.e. babes). Last week, readers asked whether I am being too emotional about a reality TV show. However, they lack basic mental functioning. 

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Irrelevant Balding Guy

Now, if you’re anything like me, Jonathan the self-proclaimed “tickle monster” being sent home was a blessing. When I see a ridiculous job description like “chicken enthusiast,” I only hear “unemployed.” As it turns out, Jonathan is actually a legitimate doctor. Which, yes, people have known about for a month, but I have been too busy repeatedly googling pictures of Peter to pay attention to anyone else. And, after taking a gander at Jonathan’s Instagram, I’ve also discovered that he surfs and is kind of sneaky hot. Good for you, Jonathan. I don’t doubt that he’ll be able to find a girl who “appreciates a good set of tickling hands”.

Josiah was also sent home and reacted like any self-respecting petty bitch would, by saying he “loves” all the remaining contestants and then proceeding to insult all of them. True respect, man.

In the last rose ceremony of this double episode, “well dressed man” (a Russian whose birth name is allegedly Alex) was sent home over “irrelevant balding guy” as well as Adam, who apparently thought it was a good idea to bring a life-sized doll with a French accent on his first date with probably the hottest woman he has ever seen. Fun Trivia Fact: he is also known to #BachelorNation as “probable sex offender.”

Bachelorette Pic 4We will miss you and your purple zebra suit, hot Russian man (Alex)

Since you’re all so special & each possesses the best inside read of the Bachelor, we want your thoughts. These are our top bets, which I am contractually required to call quibbls.

 

Bachelorette – Will the “dead weight” (aka Adam and Matt) finally be sent home next week?

 

Bachelorette – Will someone be sent home before the rose ceremony?

 

Who from Rachel’s season will be a surprise appearance in Paradise?

 

The best part of any Bachelorette episode is the teaser for next week’s episode because ABC teases the hell out of the future drama and manipulates us all horrendously. I feel pretty betrayed by last week’s promo where Kenny’s Viking-sword injury was edited to make it seem like it was part of the Kenny-Lee feud. Ok, I’m not that angry, because it was a Viking-sword injury and that’s pretty hilarious. However, this week’s promo feels like no joke. We see our lovely Rachel crying because of something Peter has done. I’m not sure I’ll sleep soundly until I know everything is alright with my two favorite gap-toothed people. (I’m not that obsessed with reality TV, I don’t have any actual gap-toothed friends, and also Peter and Rachel are actual angels.)

Bachelorette – Will next week’s promo feature Rachel crying again?

 

Bachelorette – Is Rachel crying because of a revelation about Peter’s past?

 

 

Next Monday is the 13th season’s 7th episode, and we’re already down to only 6 contestants, which means hometowns are coming up soon. Next episode is set in Switzerland….I’ve been warned to keep this professional, respectful and aligned to the editorial tone and mission of quibbl as a marketplace of ideas. Boo hoo fake news is bad, whatever. But when has that stopped yours truly columnist, especially with next week’s episode set on my home turf of Switzerland. Please tell me why the Bachelor continues to drag us on a grand tour through Europe’s whitest, most backward watering holes? Picturesque shots of the Swiss Alps are fine and Swiss chocolate can be excellent, but I still can only question whether the show runners have some ulterior motive/master plan going on? Well, that is reality tv.

 

Who will be the next Bachelor?

 

 

 

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