The Bachelorette @ Quibbl Season 13 – Snarky Analysis & Fantasy League Contest

Bachelorette Season 13, Episode 4-5 Preview & Fantasy League Bets

By Quibbl’s Bachelorette Guest Columnist Nora Jaquemet 

Welcome to Bachelorette quibbl!

diggy

Bachelor Nation fans love nothing more than drama, as we all sit in front of our televisions for 2 hours each week to watch grown men embarrass themselves, drink obscene amounts of alcohol, and balance just the right amount of homoerotic ambiance. We at quibbl know you are all a bunch of degenerate gamblers who enjoy making bets on the struggles and (few) triumphs of these poor souls. While bachelor fantasy league does exist, I personally don’t care to bet on which Scandinavian countries these idiots are visiting next week (side note: Rachel, take me to Denmark with you).

 

This season, we have arguably the best Bachelorette ever, an unbelievably beautiful lawyer, who has the ability to act fascinated by this crop of incredibly mediocre men – see: man whose job description is “tickle monster”, and the guy who thought it would be charming to bring a large French doll to his first meeting with Rachel.

 

I of course make an exception for Diggy, sent home too soon, and his amazing bow ties (Diggy, I’m single, HMU).

 

rachel

This season’s dirt in review:

 

The best part of The Bachelor/Bachelorette isn’t the drama that goes down during the actual two hours of show, but the dirt that drama-obsessed enterprising viewers manage to dig up on contestants. The overarching question for all contestants is whether they are there “for the right reasons” or there to “further their whaboom” (previously known as “here to make money selling fit tea on instagram” or for the more enterprising their own line of merchandise with bitchy quotes). Four episodes in and we have already been blessed with not just one, but THREE contestants who had previously been on really obscure shitty dating shows before making it to the big time on The Bachelorette (their parents must be so proud):

 

Of course, to fulfill Chris Harrison’s eternal promise that this will be the most exciting and drama-filled season of The Bachelorette, the producers decided to outdo themselves and not just cast the usual crop of fame-whores. This season, the historic first season of the Bachelor franchise with a black lead, features a racist suitor who at least had the decency to not delete his racist tweets before going on national television so we could all hate on him (and also has a haircut that screams “I’m a racist” which really helps for identifying and mocking purposes).

 

You deserve better, Rachel.

 

Lee bach

Personally, yours columnist truly is split between my love for drama and my love for Rachel, so I’m not sure whether I’m hoping for more skeevy info to pop up about the contestants.

 

QUIBBL: Will Betches report an article with dirt on a new contestant before Monday’s episode?

 

(NOTE: betches has consistently reported accurately on Bachelor scandals in the past, and so we are using them as our best dirt-reporting source)

 

The Bachelor finally addresses race:

 

While we nosy hoes already know all about Lee’s blatant racism (thank you, twitter), race hasn’t exactly come up as a big conflict in the story arc of the show yet. Last episode, we all became big Dean fans when he subtly called Lee out in his confessional, and Rachel broke down to a producer about the stress of being the first black bachelorette. Clearly, she has reason, as yes we have been gifted with more twitter drama:  

 

Go Rachel. However, all these discussions were in confessionals when the contestants were speaking alone. With Lee in the mix, and our new favorite (read: annoying as shit) gossip queen Iggy, we can expect a lot more tension and fights between the men in the house.

 

QUIBBL HERE:  Will the issue of race explicitly come up in any of the drama between the men in next week’s episode?

 

Kenny and Lee’s 2-on-1 date

 

We already know that we have a Kenny/Lee 2-on-1 date to look forward to next week. Good on the producers for setting up this good vs evil fight – reminiscent of the take down of our favorite bachelor villain, Chad, in Jojo’s season. At least Chad entertained us by doing things such as threateningly eating a whole raw yam, while Lee is just a piece of shit. Really keeping my fingers crossed this is the last we see of him #boybye. The clips of next week’s episode also shows Kenny bleeding. Some sort of fight is implied, but as we all know, the Bachelor franchise has a history of teasing violent showdowns with cleverly edited clips of bleeding contestants, which usually end up being nothing more dramatic than a spontaneous nosebleed.

 

WE GET IT. YOU’RE ADDICTED. MORE QUIBBLS:

 

Who will get sent home on the 2-on-1? Kenny, Lee, or both?

 

Will Kenny get punched in the face?

 

How many gentlemen will Rachel smooch in tonight’s episode?

 

Will Bryan get a rose in his one on one date?

 

I hope no one is gonna argue with me when I say that Copper the dog is by far the best man currently in Rachel’s life – Peter don’t worry you’re a close second. We haven’t seen him since he got to go to that glorious doggy pool party date, and I’ve really missed his beautiful face on my screen. Will Copper make an appearance in one of next week’s episodes?

Copper

 

What we’re reading:

 

https://drunk-and-hungry.com/2017/06/20/the-bachelorette-recap-episode-4/ for the best bachelorette recaps

 

https://www.bustle.com/p/tweets-about-episode-4-of-rachels-bachelorette-season-show-everyones-falling-for-dean-65501

 

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